I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
