i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
