Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
