PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
