He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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