So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize