so that wasnt chicken after all
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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