bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
