How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
