Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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