i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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