Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
