she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
