it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
