please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
