it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
