i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
