she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
