Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
