So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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