Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
