ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
