I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
