yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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