4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
