I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
