i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize