not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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