Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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