I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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