I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
