she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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