ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
