Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nutella sex= disaster
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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