I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
