I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize