whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
