I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
