no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
