drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
