I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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