You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
