there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
