he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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