yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
