My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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