this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
