I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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