I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize