Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
