drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
