Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
