I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
