why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
