Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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