omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize