I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
