end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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