I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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