Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
