To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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