I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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