You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
