dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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