Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
