You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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