Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
