covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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