i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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