Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pants are for mortals
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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