It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
