My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
